after all these years I think the reason I have found it so hard to forget... is that we really had something but more than that, was that I thought that and I wasn't sure than and I'm not sure now that you felt the same way I did. I loved you and I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you with no reason but because I loved you and you were mine, I had given you my heart my whole heart! you on the other hand needed to sow your seed, you made me look and feel like a fool !!!!!
 I needed you to lay your soul down, naked and bare for me to come back and prove to me that you really loved me and deserved me returning to your life. You didn't do any of that. I moved on and lowered my standards. I don't mean that in a bad way. I was so young and so in love and being the endless romantic that Iam I had to in order to not be hurt like that ever again ! and I never have been hurt like that or felt hurt like that until Elijah died! That hurt, that is never going away! because the out come is never going to change! So the times that I feel so desperate to know how you are or how you are doing, is really only a win for you in the game of wins and only says that Iam still that young girl I once was. part of me wants thats girl to get a grip and the other part of me embraces that fact that part of me is still young. so to you please take care of yourself and please try to do better! ( just because I know you can).