My sister came to visit

 So My sister and her husband came to visit. We had such a great time together , they were here for a week and it just didn't feel like it was enough time!
This visit was so nice that I allowed my mind to wonder to a the place that lets my sister and I live in the same town  ! Where we can have dinner together whenever we want to and shopping trips, movies to go to together!
  So when she left this time it was like someone let all the air out of my lungs! It was so hard this time for me and in visits past it hasn't been that hard! I love the way the house feels when it's full of laughter and love! It feels warm and safe , it's a great feeling !

 In the time that Alice was here I took a job with the school district driving school bus, Im so looking forward to getting out of debt. Its been difficult running a household on one income, we knew it would be hard ,but now it's time to start a new job. Abigail is going to be in school next year and the best part about this job is that she can ride along with me everyday and I can pick her up from school everyday and still get paid!
 I had to take the CDL test ,man that book was big and so hard to read! Not exactly an exciting  book, but i made it through  and passed my test! ( yay!) I have been so nervous  about driving something as big as a bus it's nay 48 feet long! However I was able to drive a bus on friday and it was not as bad as I thought it would be , the only thing I  had to get use to was the way the bus moves with the road, it's top heavy and theres just a lot more movement! So I'm hopping to get my hours in this week and then pass the skills test !
 One thing I like about being back to work is having to be organized, I know that sounds funny but I like having to work towards control and a goal!
 I don't normally make resolutions  but this year I have decided that I only want to buy things that are made in the USA and I want to work on being as debt free as we can, last but not least I want to be a good mom and wife to my most wonderful family! After all they are the reason's I get up in the morning!
 Ok well thanks for listening to me this morning until next time take care !

 after all these years I think the reason I have found it so hard to forget... is that we really had something but more than that, was that I thought that and I wasn't sure than and I'm not sure now that you felt the same way I did. I loved you and I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you with no reason but because I loved you and you were mine, I had given you my heart my whole heart! you on the other hand needed to sow your seed, you made me look and feel like a fool !!!!!
 I needed you to lay your soul down, naked and bare for me to come back and prove to me that you really loved me and deserved me returning to your life. You didn't do any of that. I moved on and lowered my standards. I don't mean that in a bad way. I was so young and so in love and being the endless romantic that Iam I had to in order to not be hurt like that ever again ! and I never have been hurt like that or felt hurt like that until Elijah died! That hurt, that is never going away! because the out come is never going to change! So the times that I feel so desperate to know how you are or how you are doing, is really only a win for you in the game of wins and only says that Iam still that young girl I once was. part of me wants thats girl to get a grip and the other part of me embraces that fact that part of me is still young. so to you please take care of yourself and please try to do better! ( just because I know you can).

Hi there,

 I know it has been a while since my last post. I have had some things to think about .

 

  We had a good summer with some very unexpected things happening, and some very good things 

happening. I gave up on a few things this summer and one of them was me, Ive never given up on me before in my life until this summer, I am  now circling back to me.

   You know there comes a time in your life when you ask yourself what it is you want in your life ?

Before I became a mother ( which is the greatest gift I have ever been given) I knew what I wanted and how I was going to get it, since having my baby I have asked myself what I want and even who I am.

  I have found it so hard to hear others tell me what they think of me ( all good for the most part ) but none the less hard to hear because I don't know, so how could anyone else?

  Ive always admired the ones that seem to be so in touch with their feelings so creative so to speak, well I was once that way , I knew what I felt was in touch with and wore my feelings on my sleeve so to speak. There was never a question as to what I felt about some thing or what I believed in. 

 Over the years and all of lives experiences , and me having a goal and or a way of life in mind, I learned to suppress my feelings my creativity with every heart break or disappointment I became more in control of me  until now here I am wondering who I am ?  I have always been very driven, driven to do the right thing driven to get what I want,driven to keep my word. I never wanted to make the same mistakes I had seen others make!

   I think I have disappointed myself over the years and I just wonder if I can be the logical girl Iam now  and the creative girl I once was.( and by the want to be again) I know I want to sing with my heart and I to be treated like a queen and seen as a rare and wonderful gift!

I want passion in my life like I once knew ! I want to feel love like it's the last moment I will ever know it! I guess I have finally arrived at old .

 I did say I gave up on something this summer and they have creeped back , Im not sure I will ever really give up on those things, Im pretty sure they will never be a part of my everyday life ever again , however I will always want the very best for that I wish success and happiness,and peace more than anything peace!

 So here is my update on my sauerkraut. Im so sad to say it did not turn out!  I will try again next year , I would try again the year but we had a frost ! and it killed my green beans and squash and cabbage . We have the worst weather!!  I could go on and on about the weather here but I won't .
  I did make bread today that turned out and that makes me very happy!  The pickles turned out also so it's not a total loss.
  I woke up feeling sad, and a bit of a bad attitude!! I don't know why i feel this way I have so much to be happy about!
 My sweet husband bought me a very cool new laptop, I got macbook Air and I love it !!!! he also got a great deal on an iPad 3 my sweet little girl love's that thing and I do too, it is so cool !!! We love Apple products, we had a PC once and it was a piece of you know what ! I would never own another one I would go without before I ever spent a penny on a PC!
So anyway we had a great weekend getting to know our new toy's! The Macbook Air is so light I know why they called it an Air.
  So i talked with my friend Dawn yesterday and I miss being close to family and friends thats probably why i feel the way I do today. She is doing good , Im so proud of her she really is a great gal! I have been so blessed with the friends that god has placed in my life !

I have been thinking a lot of this guy that farms our ground, and not in a good way, he owes us money from last year and now he has harvested and owes for this year and I keep thinking of all the excuses that he has given us and it just makes me mad. I also am wondering just how or what I could say or do to make the guy just pay! I don't know how he can run a business or a farm doing that to all of his customers, or maybe he just doesn't want to pay us.  I don't know but it is something that I have been praying about .

 Well have a great day I can't wait to pick up my little girl!!

Dill Pickles 

Green Beans

Sauerkraut

Hi There, yesterday Abi and I spent the day canning. I recently  purchased a pressure cooker for canning green beans, Wow I love that thing ! It is so much faster than a water bath. Now I know you can't use a water bath for green beans, but I used it for the pickles and I plan to use it for my other canning as well. I noticed that my kitchen did not get as hot as it would have if I would have used my water bath.
   So moving on I canned green beans and pickles, but the thing I'm most excited about is the sauerkraut! I found online a video on how to make it in a jar, I  followed what was said and I will let know how it turns out in ten days!
  I love canning the things that I have grown, it makes me feel like I'm putting the best that I can on the table for My family! I know how it was grown, I know what was used to prepare it , and to me that is so important! Food manufacturer's put so many chemicals in our food these day's and none of it natural it is not good for us and further more  they do it all in the name of money!  I believe that is directly why our country has such a problem with obesity. That's another topic, I do though put a great deal of importance on the food's we eat.
  The other thing we did was make zucchini Bread we love zucchini Bread I'm going to share my recipe with you and you have to try it . When I was still working we had a fill in nurse that would come and help out when one of us was on vacation, oh boy she could bake! A very nice Italian girl she gave me this recipe and I have treasured it !
   Zucchini Bread
3 lg eggs
3 cups sugar
3cups flour
1 tsp salt
1 cup salad oil
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
3 cups zucchini
1 1/2 cups of nuts or coconut (optional)
 Bake at 350 for 45 min to an hour
 this is very moist and it will stick to the bottom of the pan so oil and flour pan well  and by all means please Enjoy!!
  Bruce and I took Abi to preschool open house last night, I have mixed feelings! I love the idea of her going and learning and being with other kids her age! But the idea make me panic a little inside! i don't want my baby to grow up ! I know that the moms out there know exactly what I'm trying to say!
 She starts in Sept and it's only three days a week for 2 1/2 hours , I can workout or whatever else I want to do with my time and she will be learning and having fun! it's a win win.

Summer

We have been on vacation for ten days and what adventures we had !
We went camping and white water rafting, so we did many kid friendly river runs and it was great ,lots of stops on very sandy beaches and swimming ! We spent several days just sitting water side with our toes in the water and soaking up the sun !! ( that was my favorite !) So we spent five days just the three of us ( Bruce Abigail and myself) , we met some super nice people whom also have kids the same age, they are rafters as well!
So the last five days my sister and one of her long time friends and one of mine and her niece met us and we had such a great time catching up and remembering we were young !
On my birthday before my sister got to camp we decided to do the lower stretch of the river which I have not been on for four years it has bigger rapids well we ended up being washed out of the boat by a big wave at the top of a class four rapid ! The most terrifying part for me was having my daughter with me ! It only lasted a few minutes , but I was so scared my little one would drink too much water! As it turns out she didn't , I held her up which put me under more and so I drank all the water ! Everyone got washed out of the boat except for our 6 month old German Shepard (Pippa) ! Craziness!
All in all it was a great vacation!! My sweet little girl had so much fun swimming and playing in the sand!

My sweet little angel

Daddy and Abi 

Kathy, Angie ,and Alice

Alice, Angie,and Dawn Rae

Roscoe and Abi 

Summer Time

 So Hi I finally am sitting down to write.
 I m so sorry it had taken me so long to do it! We have been very busy ,it started out with Ironman in Coeur D Alene, Idaho. My sister In-law did Ironman this year and last, It is a full weekend ! She did so much better tis year than last ,she really improved her time all across the board!
     The very next weekend we went camping for 7 days with my husbands dad's side of the family, and what a mess that was! I  think we camped two days with them before his aunt caused a fight with his uncle and before long the whole family was upset and leaving. Everyone yelling "not camping with family ever again"!  We headed to another camp spot and had a good 5 days alone!
 So than we had  a week off from camping. It was so hot here, very good for my garden and by the way it is doing great! The next time I blog I will add picture's.  In my garden I have harvested my garlic and it is drying , it will be ready to eat the end of august.  I will save some and replant it in October. I really do love my garden!
     So back to the rest of the story. So my Brother in-law called and wanted us to go rafting with him and his buddies in Riggins. Riggins has some fabulous white water and we go every year at least once! We have our own raft so we can spend as much or as little time on the water as we want.
   My brother in-law just bought his raft this year so that's all he thinks about. So we went. But before we could leave My husband took the camper to do somethings to prepare it for the trip someone rear end the camper and caused a lot of damage!  We ended up going anyway for the most part we had a good family trip. But of course par for our summer so far things could not go off without a hitch! My brother in-law
   drank way to much and showed out very badly!! My husbands feelings were hurt and he was mad! My brother  in-law is one of those people that should not drink! I hope he can get some help! So that brings us to now we have a trip , a 11 day trip planned for August and we don' have a camper!! It's been very frustrating to say the least. The other guys insurance company has said that they will rent us a camper for our trip, however the rental place will not allow dogs and we have them! I do think we have figured out,but we will see, will keep you posted.
    bottom line we are having a Murphy's Law summer!