after all these years I think the reason I have found it so hard to forget... is that we really had something but more than that, was that I thought that and I wasn't sure than and I'm not sure now that you felt the same way I did. I loved you and I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you with no reason but because I loved you and you were mine, I had given you my heart my whole heart! you on the other hand needed to sow your seed, you made me look and feel like a fool !!!!!
 I needed you to lay your soul down, naked and bare for me to come back and prove to me that you really loved me and deserved me returning to your life. You didn't do any of that. I moved on and lowered my standards. I don't mean that in a bad way. I was so young and so in love and being the endless romantic that Iam I had to in order to not be hurt like that ever again ! and I never have been hurt like that or felt hurt like that until Elijah died! That hurt, that is never going away! because the out come is never going to change! So the times that I feel so desperate to know how you are or how you are doing, is really only a win for you in the game of wins and only says that Iam still that young girl I once was. part of me wants thats girl to get a grip and the other part of me embraces that fact that part of me is still young. so to you please take care of yourself and please try to do better! ( just because I know you can).

Hi there,

 I know it has been a while since my last post. I have had some things to think about .

 

  We had a good summer with some very unexpected things happening, and some very good things 

happening. I gave up on a few things this summer and one of them was me, Ive never given up on me before in my life until this summer, I am  now circling back to me.

   You know there comes a time in your life when you ask yourself what it is you want in your life ?

Before I became a mother ( which is the greatest gift I have ever been given) I knew what I wanted and how I was going to get it, since having my baby I have asked myself what I want and even who I am.

  I have found it so hard to hear others tell me what they think of me ( all good for the most part ) but none the less hard to hear because I don't know, so how could anyone else?

  Ive always admired the ones that seem to be so in touch with their feelings so creative so to speak, well I was once that way , I knew what I felt was in touch with and wore my feelings on my sleeve so to speak. There was never a question as to what I felt about some thing or what I believed in. 

 Over the years and all of lives experiences , and me having a goal and or a way of life in mind, I learned to suppress my feelings my creativity with every heart break or disappointment I became more in control of me  until now here I am wondering who I am ?  I have always been very driven, driven to do the right thing driven to get what I want,driven to keep my word. I never wanted to make the same mistakes I had seen others make!

   I think I have disappointed myself over the years and I just wonder if I can be the logical girl Iam now  and the creative girl I once was.( and by the want to be again) I know I want to sing with my heart and I to be treated like a queen and seen as a rare and wonderful gift!

I want passion in my life like I once knew ! I want to feel love like it's the last moment I will ever know it! I guess I have finally arrived at old .

 I did say I gave up on something this summer and they have creeped back , Im not sure I will ever really give up on those things, Im pretty sure they will never be a part of my everyday life ever again , however I will always want the very best for that I wish success and happiness,and peace more than anything peace!

 So here is my update on my sauerkraut. Im so sad to say it did not turn out!  I will try again next year , I would try again the year but we had a frost ! and it killed my green beans and squash and cabbage . We have the worst weather!!  I could go on and on about the weather here but I won't .
  I did make bread today that turned out and that makes me very happy!  The pickles turned out also so it's not a total loss.
  I woke up feeling sad, and a bit of a bad attitude!! I don't know why i feel this way I have so much to be happy about!
 My sweet husband bought me a very cool new laptop, I got macbook Air and I love it !!!! he also got a great deal on an iPad 3 my sweet little girl love's that thing and I do too, it is so cool !!! We love Apple products, we had a PC once and it was a piece of you know what ! I would never own another one I would go without before I ever spent a penny on a PC!
So anyway we had a great weekend getting to know our new toy's! The Macbook Air is so light I know why they called it an Air.
  So i talked with my friend Dawn yesterday and I miss being close to family and friends thats probably why i feel the way I do today. She is doing good , Im so proud of her she really is a great gal! I have been so blessed with the friends that god has placed in my life !

I have been thinking a lot of this guy that farms our ground, and not in a good way, he owes us money from last year and now he has harvested and owes for this year and I keep thinking of all the excuses that he has given us and it just makes me mad. I also am wondering just how or what I could say or do to make the guy just pay! I don't know how he can run a business or a farm doing that to all of his customers, or maybe he just doesn't want to pay us.  I don't know but it is something that I have been praying about .

 Well have a great day I can't wait to pick up my little girl!!

Dill Pickles 

Green Beans

Sauerkraut

Hi There, yesterday Abi and I spent the day canning. I recently  purchased a pressure cooker for canning green beans, Wow I love that thing ! It is so much faster than a water bath. Now I know you can't use a water bath for green beans, but I used it for the pickles and I plan to use it for my other canning as well. I noticed that my kitchen did not get as hot as it would have if I would have used my water bath.
   So moving on I canned green beans and pickles, but the thing I'm most excited about is the sauerkraut! I found online a video on how to make it in a jar, I  followed what was said and I will let know how it turns out in ten days!
  I love canning the things that I have grown, it makes me feel like I'm putting the best that I can on the table for My family! I know how it was grown, I know what was used to prepare it , and to me that is so important! Food manufacturer's put so many chemicals in our food these day's and none of it natural it is not good for us and further more  they do it all in the name of money!  I believe that is directly why our country has such a problem with obesity. That's another topic, I do though put a great deal of importance on the food's we eat.
  The other thing we did was make zucchini Bread we love zucchini Bread I'm going to share my recipe with you and you have to try it . When I was still working we had a fill in nurse that would come and help out when one of us was on vacation, oh boy she could bake! A very nice Italian girl she gave me this recipe and I have treasured it !
   Zucchini Bread
3 lg eggs
3 cups sugar
3cups flour
1 tsp salt
1 cup salad oil
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
3 cups zucchini
1 1/2 cups of nuts or coconut (optional)
 Bake at 350 for 45 min to an hour
 this is very moist and it will stick to the bottom of the pan so oil and flour pan well  and by all means please Enjoy!!
  Bruce and I took Abi to preschool open house last night, I have mixed feelings! I love the idea of her going and learning and being with other kids her age! But the idea make me panic a little inside! i don't want my baby to grow up ! I know that the moms out there know exactly what I'm trying to say!
 She starts in Sept and it's only three days a week for 2 1/2 hours , I can workout or whatever else I want to do with my time and she will be learning and having fun! it's a win win.

Summer

We have been on vacation for ten days and what adventures we had !
We went camping and white water rafting, so we did many kid friendly river runs and it was great ,lots of stops on very sandy beaches and swimming ! We spent several days just sitting water side with our toes in the water and soaking up the sun !! ( that was my favorite !) So we spent five days just the three of us ( Bruce Abigail and myself) , we met some super nice people whom also have kids the same age, they are rafters as well!
So the last five days my sister and one of her long time friends and one of mine and her niece met us and we had such a great time catching up and remembering we were young !
On my birthday before my sister got to camp we decided to do the lower stretch of the river which I have not been on for four years it has bigger rapids well we ended up being washed out of the boat by a big wave at the top of a class four rapid ! The most terrifying part for me was having my daughter with me ! It only lasted a few minutes , but I was so scared my little one would drink too much water! As it turns out she didn't , I held her up which put me under more and so I drank all the water ! Everyone got washed out of the boat except for our 6 month old German Shepard (Pippa) ! Craziness!
All in all it was a great vacation!! My sweet little girl had so much fun swimming and playing in the sand!

My sweet little angel

Daddy and Abi 

Kathy, Angie ,and Alice

Alice, Angie,and Dawn Rae

Roscoe and Abi 

Summer Time

 So Hi I finally am sitting down to write.
 I m so sorry it had taken me so long to do it! We have been very busy ,it started out with Ironman in Coeur D Alene, Idaho. My sister In-law did Ironman this year and last, It is a full weekend ! She did so much better tis year than last ,she really improved her time all across the board!
     The very next weekend we went camping for 7 days with my husbands dad's side of the family, and what a mess that was! I  think we camped two days with them before his aunt caused a fight with his uncle and before long the whole family was upset and leaving. Everyone yelling "not camping with family ever again"!  We headed to another camp spot and had a good 5 days alone!
 So than we had  a week off from camping. It was so hot here, very good for my garden and by the way it is doing great! The next time I blog I will add picture's.  In my garden I have harvested my garlic and it is drying , it will be ready to eat the end of august.  I will save some and replant it in October. I really do love my garden!
     So back to the rest of the story. So my Brother in-law called and wanted us to go rafting with him and his buddies in Riggins. Riggins has some fabulous white water and we go every year at least once! We have our own raft so we can spend as much or as little time on the water as we want.
   My brother in-law just bought his raft this year so that's all he thinks about. So we went. But before we could leave My husband took the camper to do somethings to prepare it for the trip someone rear end the camper and caused a lot of damage!  We ended up going anyway for the most part we had a good family trip. But of course par for our summer so far things could not go off without a hitch! My brother in-law
   drank way to much and showed out very badly!! My husbands feelings were hurt and he was mad! My brother  in-law is one of those people that should not drink! I hope he can get some help! So that brings us to now we have a trip , a 11 day trip planned for August and we don' have a camper!! It's been very frustrating to say the least. The other guys insurance company has said that they will rent us a camper for our trip, however the rental place will not allow dogs and we have them! I do think we have figured out,but we will see, will keep you posted.
    bottom line we are having a Murphy's Law summer!

Conversations once had

I was remembering once having a conversation with you , I tried to hold you and you said "I see how it is". I got quite and moved away or maybe it was defensive. What I really wanted to say was how much I needed to be near you and how much I loved you, how sorry I was for every! My brother had just died and I really needed you to take care of me. I don't know why that's important to me but I really just wanted you to know what I really wanted to say all those years ago.

Life is a journey

So we took my sister to the airport on sat. It was so nice to visit with her ! She really is just a lovely person.
There never seems to be enough time spent with family! We had two weeks together and it went way too fast!
I spent the day in the garden yesterday and I felt so depressed because my sister had gone home! I hate that adjustment !!! So today Abi and I are back to our routine, I love our life!! I just wish my sister where closer to me so she could be a routine as well!!

Beautiful Spring

It truly has been a very nice spring!
This rainbow was right over our house the other day when we came home. My sister is here visiting and I'm so happy the weather had been so nice, we took her and my dad camping for the weekend and it was so nice!
It usually rains but it didn't . We were able to go for a walk or two and see the beauty of the forest!
It was nice having my dad here he lives in oregon, so it was a real pleasure having him here to camp with us, my sister is from Texas so I'm feeling very special to have my family with me !
Here is a couple of pictures of my husband and my sweet baby girl !

Swim class

Hey good morning, I haven't blogged for a bit. We have been very busy, I could give a lot of reason why, none of which I'm sure you want to hear about.
Mothers day was a great day I love being a mom and mothers day is a great reminder! We took our mothers out for lunch and my little Abigail was an angel ! She said I'm her sweet little voice ( happy mothers day mommy) I can't think of anything that makes me happier than hearing my little girl say mommy!! Just sitting here writing about makes me have a lump in my throat! I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to be a mom so having Abi is really a blessing!
So I titled this swim class. We are at swim class as we speak, so Iam trying the blogger app for my iPhone so far so good. You will have to let me know.

Bountiful Baskets

Some of my basket

 Hi everyone,
  This Saturday morning I woke up early , because I signed up for Bountiful Baskets. It is like a co-op you pool your money together with others in your community and buy really fresh local or semi-local fruit and veggies. Bountiful Baskets has a web site and you can see if they have it your area. www.bountifulbaskets.org/

I went to the web site ordered my basket, it was full of, this time red potatoes, mango's , strawberries, banana's, whole pineapple, artichoke's, jicama, tomato's, granny smith apple's, beet's, green beans and romaine lettuce. From what I understand the basket's are different every time and there are other thing's you can buy. There are bread's and tortilla's and granola there is so many other option's.There is also an organic option, there is an extra charge for that.
This was my first time. I do believe I will buy another basket!

   Now on to dinner, because we are on the subject of food. Tonight I am making steak's on our  Traegar  Smoker Grill. If you have not heard of or eaten anything off a Traegar you are missing out!
  Since having a smoked turkey off the Traegar I will not eat turkey any other way! Hamburger's are transformed into something so much better than an ordinary hamburger! Steak's are like nothing short of amazing! You can choose from lots of different types of smoke, there is Apple, Hickory and many more.

So back to dinner we are having Steak and fresh green bean's , twice baked potato's and baked beets! YUM!! I can't wait to eat all!!  Talk to you again real soon Bye for now!

Good Morning

I'm looking pretty wet from the run 

So, this mornings run was slow and very wet from the rain! I did run 3.7 miles this morning and I am proud of myself! My goal for this month is to first of all to get that 26.2 miles in for jogger mom marathon! But, I also want to be running 5 miles a day. I really think that is an attainable goal.( I have lost 2 unwanted pounds this week ,So excited!)

I love this time of year, the grass is so green!! 

 I love having my music while I am running. It is such a great motivator and I need all the motivation I can get! So here is some of the music I like to listen to. I have Pandorajam2 and this is where I get most of the music.

• Bruno mars : Grenade
• Bruno mars: it will rain
• Bruno mars : Talking to the moon
• Eminem: Still don't give a F@#@
• Eminem: Love the way you lie
• Maroon 5 & Christina Aguilera: Moves like Jagger( my daughter's favorite song)
• Smokey Robinson: Cruisin
• Justin Timberlake:Sexy back
• Jessie James: Blue Jeans
• Apocalyptica: Not strong enough 

I'm always looking for more music to add to my jogger playlist, so let me know what some of your fav's are.

This is my sweet baby, and my mom! These two keep me going!

                                         
   My sister is coming to visit and I could'nt be happier!! She is the best! I really want to be just like her when I grow up!(providing I grow up) She is so creative, smart, and fashion forward! She always knows what to say, and she is the life of the party! She can fill 
up a room and the room is a better place with her in it! So Im looking forward to spending time with her! She really is the best sister and a great friend!
 I'm so blessed to have such a great family! My husband is very supportive and not to mention handsome! My mom helps me out a lot and she goes on my runs almost everyday! I started running because of my sister in-law, and she is amazing as well! This will be her second year doing the Iron Man race in Coeur' D Alene ... Amazing! One of these day's I will share more about my wonderful family!  Believe me when I say that I have been given so much! I know that God Love's me!

This is the pretty country I get to look at while I'm jogging!

Cleaning Product's I love

Here are some of the Melaleuca cleaning products I use

Today I want to share with you all a product that I truly believe in called Melaleuca. Some of you may have already heard about it, and  maybe you use it too! I am so thankful to have found a product that not only works but it is safe for your pets and children to be around. This is what happened to me a few years ago when my daughter was just two, and it caused me to search for a cleaning line that is "safe"!!  I was dusting in the living room with some kind of dusting oil, well, I turned just in time to see my little angel tasting the oil! I wasn't sure how much of a taste she took so I called poison control. The lady on the phone instructed me to take her right away to the ER, so I did!  I was so worried! Long story short she was fine, but we spent the night at the hospital and she had several chest x-ray's and ran a fever! What happens with furniture oils is that it's so slippery that it bypasses the stomach and slides right into the lungs and can cause permanent lung damage... it really was a scary ordeal! So needless to say I started looking for a safer way to clean my home!
 Melaleuca is an Idaho based company that sells direct to you through a membership kind of like a Costco but better because it's on-line! I love this because I do live 25 miles out of town, and whenever I can have things come to my front door, well, I'll  jump-at-it!  Melaleuca has more then a few products I love, and can't live without!

1. Sol-u-mel ( a very powerful stain remover)
2. Diamond Bite ( dishwasher detergent) this product is amazing it will not leave a film on your dishes!
3. Rustic Touch ( furniture polish).
4. Their tooth paste is the best!!... I could go on and on.

The thing that I love about this company is that they're Eoc-friendly and they're powered by nature! They also have a great price, and they really work! I don't know if you have tried any of the other Eco-friendly products out there or not- but I have, and Im here to tell you they don't work as well as Melaleuca! I hate to spend my money on anything that does not deliver what it say's it will! We are a one income family and I need our shopping dollars to go as far as I can stretch them! Here is the web site so you can check it out for yourself. Get back to me and let me know what you think, or if you have questions.
https://www.melaleuca.com

First day of the Jogger Mom marathon

This is Abigail my sweet four year old and she goes jogging with me too, she however ride's in the stroller!

   I signed myself up for the Jogger Mom Marathon and the first day is today! I m so excited about it , I will have the whole month of May to run 26.2 miles That is just under a mile a day. My plan is to run 3 miles a day and that way I can kill to birds with one stone. I will be getting my miles for the marathon and training for the 5k race's I have scheduled!  There are two other things I am looking forward to like maybe some weight loss and I might actually  get better at running! 

Roscoe ( my buddy my pal)

 Here is one of my jogging partners ( Roscoe) he is great however yesterday he almost took me out I still don't know how I didn't fall down while jogging! So I will keep you posted  on my marathon. I love saying that (marathon) I can't see me running a marathon in the traditional way ! Who knows maybe I will , I won't rule it out.

Lazy sunday

 Hi there,
  So  yesterday my husband and I planted 25 seedling tree's, earlier in the week we planted 15 for a grand total of 40 trees. We went to our local university for their Arbor day sale, and it was a lot of  fun to go and look at the different trees that grow in our area. My daughter loved it, and of course she loved the balloons that they were giving away too. We let her pick trees and that way she is in on the fun too!


  Today we are relaxing and doing just the fun things we want to do. We bought some new swim goggles for Abi's swim class and so I ran a bath and we had a treasure hunt at the bottom of the bath tub. Abi loved that and now she is ready for swim class on Monday. Than we made paper craft's and water painted, and those are just some of the things Abi loves to do. after that we went outside for a 15 min swinging session on the swing set,  and than went out and watered the garden and collected the eggs. It's a beautiful day!

 I've talked about making rhubarb-strawberry jam... well, here it is and it worked out great and it was very easy to make!
 Here's where I got the recipe http://allrecipes.com/recipe/strawberry-rhubarb-jam-3/. It really was so easy that I thought I was doing it wrong, but I hadn't ! Yay!  So, if you have some rhubarb, and some strawberries, and an hour... you could have some very good jam !! I hope you enjoy your sunday as much as I have enjoyed mine!

Garden news

 Good Morning ,

   It's finally spring time in my neck of the woods!! I didn't think it would ever come! It's still cold enough at night that I can't plant some tender things like tomatoes or cucumbers. I've planted onions, lettuce, and

carrots. I love going out and seeing things growing! I did harvest some Rhubarb yesterday and my plan for 

it this morning is to make strawberry-rhubarb jam.  If it turns out I will be sharing the recipe with you.

 Im looking forward to putting in the rest of my garden, I bought my seeds and I am ready. Some of the 

places I like to get my seeds are:www.seedsavers.org/Catalog I really like this web site because they have

  rare heirloom plant variety's, they give the history on the plant's and origin,also planting zones and instructions. My favorite things for my cold zone, is the lettuce mix and Potimarron squash.The squash  has a wonderful flavor,I use it like I would a pumpkin. It is orange like pumpkin but shaped like tear drop it is pretty,  It freeze's well  for winter use.  So then the other place I use for seed's is www.willhiteseed.com my favorite things here are,  the giant Zinnia's, Sugar Bun's (Se Sweet yellow corn) 72 day's . Thats  just to name a few. This web site has a lot to offer and they have the best customer service hands down!  

 My pretty chicken's out looking for worms or bugs

This is where I planted flowers

Here is my Rhubarb

My raised beds my sweet husband made me

Outside the garden gate ( I love my garden)

Here are some picture's of my beautiful family and my country life and

  This is my sweet little girl Abigail with our oldest dog Sunny.

 This is one of the things we love to do as a family in the summer, rafting in Riggins Idaho ( LOVE) !

Here Is my beautiful Family at Christmas this year!

New Running gear

  Hi everyone I want to share somethings I recently bought for running!  I should say that I am new at running and I would consider myself a wanna-be-runner, with high hopes of becoming a "real runner"!
 Okay, so on to the first thing I wanted to mention which are my saucony jazz  running shoe's. I have to say I love these shoes! There is no break in time I just put them on and ran a 5k race, my first race of the year. They  are so comfortable for running. I am a neutral runner and I have a wide foot ( this was not a factor before my sweet baby).
 The next thing I recently purchased was a pair of Bose IE2's earbuds. Awesome earbuds! If you have ever fought while running to keep your stinking earbuds in your ear's these will put a stop to that and they sound really good to boot! I love that they stay in my ear's but I also love the sound and the fact that I can still hear my sweet little girl & traffic while listening to my music.
 One more thing I have been using and loving, C5K free app in Itunes, it helps you go from couch to a 5k.  It really is a great app.They also have a 10k training app Im looking forward to trying that one next.I will keep you posted.